How to gain confidence after a break up

How to gain confidence after life changes.

We all go through life changes and some of us are affected more deeply or more profoundly than others.

We sometimes find ourselves looking over our shoulder and wondering why that person is not more upset or more tormented than they are. We question ourselves as to why they have a greater strength than us and have that ability to ‘put on a brave face’ especially after a huge life change. Why is it that some people can still portray themselves as remarkably confident whilst others shrink from the world hoping that by some miracle, their confidence will bounce back?

Now is the time for the big secret. The level of confidence we have is in direct proportion to the amount of control we have over our emotions.

We can start with a simple question: “What do you determine as having confidence?” 

More often than not, we can all agree that we have the most confidence when we are feeling fantastic inside of ourselves. If your body feels comfortable and good we call this health. If it becomes extremely comfortable and pleasurable we call this pleasure. With this pleasure comes a sense of confidence.

If you’re you become relaxed in your mind and focused we call this peace – we are not letting those niggling little thoughts that can shake our confidence phase us. If it becomes extremely peaceful we call this joy.

If your emotions reach a state of pleasantness we can call this love and if they become extremely pleasant we can call this passion. We become compassionate when we have confidence in ourselves and love for others as much as we do ourselves.

Essentially that is all you are seeking to retain your confidence within – a sense of peace and pleasantness within.

If you think about it – if you go out in the world and someone tells you you look amazing and have a wonderful personality you are floating on cloud nine full of confidence. If you then come home and your partner tells you the opposite, your whole world comes crashing down and all that confidence evaporates.

This is familiar to everyone right?

Why do you need to be confidence within? Confidence is a side-effect of happiness and pleasure within. If that happens then the world around you comes into full bloom and nothing can phase you. Any major life changes slowly become not quite as significant to ruining your day as they once were.

So what is the secret to finding more confidence?

You can read a million blog posts and listen to a thousand podcasts all extolling the virtues of self-confidence mantras, seeking out a counsellor or any other snake oil type of remedy to a lack of confidence. The reality however is a much more simple solution.

The way to gain confidence after life changes is to find that confidence within you!

Human experience may be simulated by the outside world and the events happening around you but your levels of confidence are manufactured within you! Pain, pleasure, joy, misery, agony or ecstasy all happen within you. And thus so does confidence or a lack of confidence. Right now you are reading this blog post. Where do you see the computer, iPhone or tablet? Point to where you see it? If you think the image is outside of you it is time to shift your focus. It is within you.

It’s basic biology at play. The light falls upon the device, reflects off of it, enters through the lens of your eyes and is then projected as an inverted image onto your retina. So you are reading all of this within yourself. In fact you see the whole world inside of yourself!

Everything you have ever experienced, you have experienced within you! If someone touches your hand right now, you may think you are experiencing their hand but in fact you are only experiencing the sensations in your own hand. The whole of human experience is created within you. The same is for confidence or a lack of confidence.

One of the reasons why people are not naturally confident is because they are categorising the world into good and bad, high and low, sacred and filthy, pure and evil and of course confident and unconfident. Once you have fractured the existence of life within you there is no way of reaching higher and higher levels of confidence.

In order to gain confidence after life changes all your need to do is wholly accept that human experience is 100% created from with – either with the support of external stimuli or without. If you establish this within yourself and embrace it totally and without judgement, the consequences of your transactions will no longer be burdensome and you will flourish into a more confident human being walking full stride in the world, un-phased by those life changes that had once set you off course.

We have a range of confidence coaches to help you gain confidence after life changes or a break up that you can find though searching our Life Coach Near Me directory.